Do you wonder if you are doing it right? Or doing enough?
The thing about being a parent is that it's this constant reminder that I am screwing up on a daily basis.
This might seem obvious but before I was a parent, I could go a whole day without thinking about my deficiencies. I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
I don't want to be blind to my shortcomings, certainly. I mean, I do have a desire to be a good and decent person so self-reflection is important.
It's a device which constantly brings my faults to my attention. Parenthood is constantly holding a mirror in front of my face showing me things like:
I don't forgive easily.
I am selfish with my time.
I don't like to share.
I'm telling you these things hoping you won't judge me too harshly. In fact, I'm banking on the fact that you might relate to at least one of those items.
I console myself by thinking, 'Well, it could be worse!'
The truth is these kids of mine are loved and cared for. They have all of their physical needs met and I think even their emotional needs.
But still I wonder if I'm messing them up.
Do you do this? Do you wonder if you are doing it right? Or doing enough?
Recently, I was surprised to find that the owner of the gym I go to and someone I am lucky to call a friend, had posted on his website about a Widow's Mite necklace he bought from me.
Occasionally, he posts his "musings" online where we go to see our daily workouts. I love to read these musings. He is a gifted writer and a deep thinker.
He wrote about the Bible story where the Widow's Mite gets it's name. You can read his whole post HERE. You should click that link. For real.
My favorite part of what he wrote was this:
I'm not sure how all the scholars have interpreted this story, but I do know what it has always meant to me. To me, it has always meant 2 things:
You should give ALL YOU HAVE to what is most important.
All you have - will be enough.
I don't typically like to wear jewelry around my neck. I never have (except for during a couple confusing months in my 30's), but I keep marveling at this thing. As I look at it, I'm continually reminded of what's most important to me (it's actually a bunch of whos). Then, I'm reminded of the importance of giving my all. After that, it feels sweet to realize that my all, no matter how feeble and weak, might just be enough.
Now, I can't imagine ever taking it off.
When I read that, it actually made me emotional. I think I just really needed to hear it. Here's hoping it's true.
👆🏼That's Neil (and his necklace)